Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
