Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
