We named our party play list daddy issues
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
