It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
