She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
