Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
