He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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