Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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