sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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