this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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