I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
