Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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