I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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