I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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