I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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