Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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