Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
