I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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