Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
