I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just cropdusted the office
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
