There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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