Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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