Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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