I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
