It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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