Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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