Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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