How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
