He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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