My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
