The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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