Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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