I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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