you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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