Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
