oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize