I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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