Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
