well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
