I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
your room smells of hookers.
And success
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
