Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
