i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize