we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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