I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
