Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
