matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?