i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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