Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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