Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
