It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
