honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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