so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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