The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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