Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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