I looked at my own cervix.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
