So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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