So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
