hotel room ftw
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
