Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
