I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
