No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
