I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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